Oh, hello there, and welcome to the Institute for the Creation and Preservation of Neo-Antiquity. You'll have to excuse the mess. Here at the ICPN-A, we're always looking for new ways to most efficiently pursue our goals of retroactive symbolic certification and the study of decaying surfaces.

Recently, we've received a sixteen million dollar grant from the New England Society for the Advancement of Perpendicular Interests, which we're putting towards the remodeling of our flagship facility here in Lincoln Park, including the construction of our new Visitor's Center, which we hope you'll find a little more welcoming than this. (Pause for laughter.)

In coming weeks, we plan to unveil a series of exhibits, including a few items that have never before been displayed in the United States, nor many of the larger islands. (I can't give away the secret, but to your left there, just underneath the white tarp, is a display that was on its way to the Colonel St-Michele Museum of Field Artillery in Tobago, only to be sunk by Hurricane Charles. Now if you think that's a hint, you may or may not be right. Anyway, the story of how it came to be here will be, I think you'll find, just as fascinating as the object itself.)

Now, if you'll come this way, I'll show you our new lunchroom, available for reservation for corporate meetings and family reunions, I should add, and at competitive prices. And yes, meals are available!